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Changing my Strong Opinions
This year, like a Roman dictator proclaiming to the colosseum (albeit one with 50 monthly Spotify listeners and 300 Instagram followers), I gave two rather bold opinions.
Despite rumours that everything I say and do is 100% right and accurate, I am now faced with having to make a complete U-Turn on these opinions. Let’s unpack these individual views and see if I’ve learned anything. And maybe you might learn something too. Hail Caesar, etc.
“I’m Not Gigging Anymore”
I went into March’s gig at Alphabet as a curtain-call on my live performing. I assumed that the well of live performance was getting particularly low on juice (water,) so didn’t want to dial it in. This was met by those near and far to me with disagreement, and something in me thought “I’ll show them they’re wrong. I’m done”.
They were right.
The buzz (both before and after) the gig was something I’d forgotten, or not given the credit it deserves. I tend to get bogged down in the pre-work: learning how to play guitar and sing, getting the words right, getting people to turn up. The truth is, those insecurities all melt away once I’m up there actually doing my thing. Not to mention, the entertainment/chance to hurl abuse at me I give the audience.
So, first U-Turn: I will gig again. And I’ll remember there’s a great payoff when that feeling hits.
“I’m quitting social media”
Like some anti-tech bro, I went on a rant recently (scroll down if you don’t believe me) on the state of using apps like IG/FB (aren’t I cool, shortening words) as a music-maker.
Some (if not all) of my points are valid and true: there’s a lot of shit out there. The banality of doom-scrolling got to a point where I felt like I was feeding into something I hated.
Then, I realised I had some creative stuff to show. I’ve got a new record out in November, dontyaknow. In the words of Gandhi/Buddha/Cilla Black (RIP), “Be the change you want to see”. I decided to put music/stuff (I still refuse to call it content) out onto social media with the view of “what would I like to see, if I was on here?”
It made things look more original, got to the heart of sharing interesting stuff, and avoided the dreaded Tik-Tok dancing/vibe-chasing/trending bollocks. I also take it all with a pinch of salt- the main thing I spend my time doing is making music.
That’s U-Turn 2: I’m carefully using Social Media again.
So there you have it. The conclusion I have from this is to have views and opinions, but consider changing them if a) your feelings change and b) it might not be that big of a deal, if you don’t let it. Below is a picture of an aforementioned Roman dictator, a man with his very own strong opinions (look what happened to him):
Julius Caesar, bottom left (aka dead)
Running and Songwriting Are Pretty Much the Same: I’ll Prove It.
Like any man in his mid-30s and despondently aware of his pre-gut and creaky knees, I decided to sign up for a half-marathon this year. As the months of jogging, sprinting, bleating and grunting all mounted up, I realised the same parts of my caustic brain that needed using to run could also be applied to writing songs. Sound weird? Sit back, sip your creatine electrolyte formula, and let me explain…
Training is training.
I signed up for my half-marathon in May, with it taking place in September. Using my abacus, that gave me 4 months to get in some form of shape. As much as I’d love to pull up to the park and bust out 13.1 miles, I had enough self-awareness that I needed to gradually build up. The first 5km turned into 6, then a 10k, before peaking at 11 whole big-boy miles two weeks before race day.
I’d also love to just sit in front of my desk, crack my knuckles, and write a 11-track album to bring the world to its knees. But it’s also gradual. One verse here, a chorus there. One song progresses to a fully-formed demo, then you peak at that album closer and hey presto, you’re ready to share it.
Gear is important, but not that important.
Fortunately I had a slight understanding of what equipment I might need to run. A half-marathon in plimsoles and jeans might be a chafe-heavy experience, so a decent pair of trainers and comfortable sportswear made sense. Do I have a running watch? Yes. Could I get by on a Casio? Absolutely. Do I have a subscription to Strava, or a range of gels, potions and garish knee supports? No. It can only do so much, and I’m not a pro athlete.
When I do evidently pull my guitar off the wall, and plug it into my music software, it’s helpful that it functions. Does my guitar stay in tune? Yes. Does my software crash all the time? No, it does the job. After becoming moderately less wealthy this year, I sold a chunk of equipment and guess what? My songwriting didn’t suffer at all. It’s the same process, just less flashy. And that, in a way leads nicely onto…
Excuses, excuses, excuses
I’m competitive. Not with others (fuck those lot), but with myself. I need to get better. Improve. Be faster. And if I don’t? Well, I’m great at lying to myself and have a range of excuses lined up. Select your favourite from the options below:
The weather was a bit off
I didn’t sleep that well because of [insert external force here]
I didn’t have time to warm up
Capitalism, probably
Same with songs being written. There’s always a fully formed excuse to justify why I’m not writing as much, or of a quality I was hoping for. The moral of the story is, excuses don’t matter, and any performance has its peaks and troughs. Not every run is your PB, not every song is your best. Just keep going. Well, actually, let’s not forget…
Burnout is real.
Can you overtrain? Yes, you can. The guilt I felt for maybe not running when my (flashy) running watch told me I had ‘Fully Recovered’ made me push harder and harder, until I was spent, and no longer enjoying the process. Your body (and your mind) needs to break sometimes. And, surprise surprise (RIP Cilla), once I had fully rested, I came back better.
I want to write. All the time. But sometimes, pulling from the well doesn’t give me what I was hoping for. So I keep going, just waiting for something good to come. Before I know it, I’ve got a tonne of half-arsed songs with very little depth. My creative brain gets burned out too. The answer? Do anything other than write: watch Bake Off, feed the parrots, dig a ditch in the garden. Then, 9 times out of 10, I’ll sit down and “magic” a (semi-certified) banger out of nowhere. Stopping is good for progress. Weird.
Race Day
Finally, the big day came. I stretched, I drunk water, I ate pasta the night before. The starting gun went off. And…
Something I wasn’t expecting happened. The whole race set off as one (584 people), and we bottlenecked on a single track. Frustration boiled in my brain (“There goes my good time”) and I spent a lot of the race being frustrated at the bad organisation, the wind, the aid stations, the capitalist society I was born into. I missed all the enjoyable parts by focusing on the things I couldn’t control. Sure, I finished, and I did it in 2hrs 8mins, but still, I couldn’t really give myself praise.
I’m gearing up for a new album, and as we ping mixes and masters back and forth, it’s very easy to think “I could’ve done this better”, “maybe that part’s wrong” or “why does capitalism drag me down”. The reality is: there is so much I love about the new album, the time spent making it, and the minimal bits I feel bad about are massively outweighed by the clear and obvious good bits.
It’s really not the destination.
On reflection, as annoyed as I was at the time, the result doesn’t bother me now. Could I run faster? Yeah sure. But it was the training that got me there. The process is the thing I fell in love with. The challenges to overcome, the building up of my skinny little legs, the endorphins when you have a good run. It was making the cake, not the eating it.
I am desperately in love with the process of songwriting. It’s always great to hear kind words about my supposed ‘talent’ (more on that another time…), and it’s cool to listen back to stuff when it’s released. But those joys are fleeting. The power for me is in the making bit: whether that’s hunched over a chair on a Tuesday evening working out chords, or watching Simon Treasure track drums in the studio, or hearing Jump & Turner talk through production sounds on our 500th Zoom call. That compulsion to be in the method is what makes me happy.
Thanks for reading, I hope you found this a rewarding few minutes. As a treat, you can see what a man pushing through his pain barrier on a Sunday morning looks like below.
Lots of love and see you next time.
John x
01/10/25
Why I left s*cial m*dia: A hopeful rant.
It’s true. As of yesterday, I'll no longer be using Instagram, Facebook, MySpace, Tinder, Grindr, Slicer, Dicer, Blitzen, Prancer, Dancer or social media in any form.
The only way I'll coMmuNIcatE is either here, or via my mailing list. Once every couple of weeks, no bombardment.
Free. No ads.
Why? Well, I can physically feel my brain rotting for a start. My attention is going, I'm burning through my time/retinas for hours every day, and I'm making much less music (aka the thing I love doing).
My desire to be popular online died out a long time ago, and the endless pumping of algorithmic/AI Slop down my digital throat makes me wanna puke. Call me crazy, Temu, but I have no desire whatsoever to "shop like a billionaire".
On a deeper level, I don't want to look back on my life having wasted it scrolling through junk, making disposable Reels and c*ntent that only add to the landfill. There's better things to do, things I'm passionate about, that I'm (somewhat) good at. These apps take away from that. I blame the actual billionaires.
Sure, I've got a physical record out soon, and this could be seen as bad timing for getting "exposure". But, to be blunt, that's not how these platforms even function anymore, and definitely not for those making music. Believe me, I know.
So really... it's the perfect time to leave that world. Besides, maybe I'm not the only one who wants something more nourishing for their brain?
In summary: if you like what I've done so far musically, want to get hold of a vinyl, hear about gigs, and genuinely support stuff I make with my bare hands/voice/guitar, you can join my mailing list: https://johnseaton.co.uk/signup
Oh, and remember: Completely free. No ads. No billionaires. Some bullshit.
Lots of love,
John x
3/9/25
Me, actually doing the thing, Apr ‘25
13th March 2024:
As I said on Saturday, the album was (mostly) written in a very short space of time, like 6 months. I'd just started therapy which is a wonderful way to unpack your past and bawl your eyes out to a complete stranger. All jokes aside, it made this album + saved me from the circular anxiety & depression that found itself at my door for the last 25yrs. I wasn't expecting the gig to be as cathartic an experience as it was, and yet here I am. What a road.
For that reason, music's not a matter of life and death. It's much more important than that.
Thanks love u, and of course you can listen to the album 'Built On Ruins' in here
20th November 2023:
"Life is suffering" as some Buddhist once said and although you might see that as a catchy tag line to open this entry, I guess my interpretation is that there's always some degree of discomfort threading through our existence. I was thinking just now how despite all the upheaval over the years, music has always been a constant.
📌Sitting on my bedroom floor at 15 listening to the first Damien Rice record.
📌Picking up a copy of The Chili's 'By the Way' on the way back from a school trip.
📌Blasting the first Justice record when I passed my driving test.
📌Sticking on Foy Vance's 'Joy of Nothing' as my world collapsed at a port in Lisbon.
📌'For Once in my Life' by Stevie Wonder bouncing off the walls of the registry office.
Whatever's going down, music is both a bookmark and a teleportation device to a part of ya life and I just think that's great.
I'm warming up the engine to stick out both a new song (Sour) on Friday, as well as the debut record next March, it's cool to think that maybe some of these songs might become bookmarks in other people's lives.
So yeah, life is both glorious and rough, at times. But with the right soundtrack, it can be fucking beautiful.
Hugs
John x
23rd July 2023:
I always get agitated these days when a song creeps past 3:20 which is either a reflection of my own attention span or just the quest to write the perfect 3 minute song that I seem to have ventured on by mistake 20yrs ago.
I don't know if I'm any closer, you learn less the further you get I reckon. But it's an adventure for me, that takes some of these thoughts buzzing round my head and makes them somewhat tuneful.
Lyrics-wise, I kinda think it's your duty as a human to share your experiences (good/bad/ugly) to help other people realise they're not alone. Especially the bad/ugly- that way your experience wasn't in vain if it helps someone. I guess I just settled on the song-format in trying to do that.
Once more, I'm rambling. Maybe there's something you can take from this on a cloudy, humid Sunday as the butter melts on your sourdough toast and your artisan coffee scolds your tongue.
Either way, I'm excited to play some songs for other humans on Aug 19th (Tickets here) as well as commit my hummable-thoughts to digital tape in/on the days after.
Stay cool,
John x
PS: The pigeon in the picture below is called Carole and she's from Swansea, before you ask.
27th April 2023:
Music’s weird innit. Part of you wants your favourite band/artist to make the same stuff that you love, but part of you doesn’t want them to make the same songs over and over, treading water.
Tomorrow’s EP is somewhere in between, 3 songs recorded in the same session, stripped back but also a bit deeper lyrically. Deep enough to be relatable hopefully, not too deep that it’s self-indulgent. An emotional trapeze to balance on, so to speak. Maybe I’ll join the circus if this all goes to shit/I get bored.
Also these three songs serve as an appetiser to my DEBUT F*CKING STUDIO ALBUM which I’m recording over the Summer. That is definitely not stripped back, got the band in the studio with me, I’m mildly aroused at the sheer thought of it to be honest. No mean feat at 35.
Of course, a gig in the Summer (the day before we record actually), at Brighton Electric. Tickets here. Bring your friends, tell them I’m good/allow for pleasant surprise if I’m better than good.
John x
13th March 2023:
When I was in my early 20s and in a band I was so obsessed by the idea of "making it" that I lost sight (most of the time) of the stuff I really enjoyed about making music which was just that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you do something you believe in.
A few years later and I ended up working as a full time "pro" musician lolol and ofc there was good times but that fuzzy feeling wasn't there too much in the grand scheme of things.
Now I'm in my mid-30s and I've realised that all I want making music to be for me is for fun. Posterity.
That's enough.
This is controversial, so buckle up: It's satisfying for me to have a day job, to save up money to record, purely to record songs with my mates. No dreams of stardom. No side-hustle. No financial monetising or branding.
It's just not me.
After many years trying to get that fuzzy feeling back, it's there again. I get to write whatever I want when I want and stick it out into the world, play a few gigs a year with some awesome musicians and friends and fam attending, give 20/30/40 people a fun night out.
That's it.
For me, it's enough.
And it's great.
And I love it.
2nd March 2023
I had a gig last night, the first since the 2021 headline show and to be honest I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it again ‘cos I felt like I’d achieved everything I wanted to/maybe I’ll just hunker down in studios rather than sweat under the bright lights.
I dunno if it was the combination of playing new songs, having people come who hadn’t seen me before, or the chaotic decision to neck a coffee 30 min before playing, but I was shaking like a shitting dog before I went on. I always tell people “I don’t get nervous”. John talks bullshit.
Anyway point is, I loved it. It felt good to chat nonsense in between songs again, to sing, sweat, dribble. Many bodily fluids. There will most definitely be more (gigs, not fluids).
Turns out I’ve got a lot more to say, and a heap of new songs to play. More on that another time.
For those who were there, it was a joy to see your smiling faces and bobbing heads. Thanks for your faces and heads.
31st January 2023
When I finish a song, one minute I’m like “this is the best thing ever, put me up there with Dylan, baby!” and the next I’m chucking it in the bin, “this is shite, worst thing ever, what was I thinking”.
I saw a gig once (I know, cultured) where the singer said writing is trying to walk the tightrope of having absolute belief in everything you do, and complete disregard for it.
Also, side note I hate when ppl put themselves on a pedestal ‘cos they are “writers”. Everyone’s creative. If you bake a cake/chat to someone down the pub/ rearrange your living room…you’re making something out of nothing.
I digress. January has faded away like a fart in the wind, 2 new songs of mine are coming out Feb 24th, and I have a gig on 1st March. Tickets below.